Pancakes – an update

Pancakes - Delphinus tmc

For those of you who responded to Pancakes – thank you.  I showed my daughter Katie and she was quite surprised and I think chuffed.

As you might imagine she continues to use her metaphor.  The other night whilst settling down to sleep she had not had a great couple of days.  She announced that her pancake had burnt, was black and fallen apart…oh and she had put it out with beer!! (what can I say!)  As we chatted I asked her what she’d like her pancake to be like.  Mmmmmm she looked me in the eye and said “light, fluffy, with Nutella, lemon and sugar.”

“So,” I said “what is stopping you creating that pancake and not burning it”

She looked me straight in the eye and said – “that feels better I can go to sleep thinking about my lovely pancake”

“You can!”  We were both settled and content.

Merry Christmas From Delphinus Tmc

I think sometimes we reflect at the end of something…so a lot of us will be reflecting on the year that was 2016, as we move through into another new year and “new start”.  Interesting isn’t it that we neglect to reflect and review as we go as often as would benefit us.  Within the work we do at Delphinus without daily reflection we will not be able to work to our best.  There are days when we are flying and there are days when we need to re-energise.  As we walk the walk of our work, our daily reflect informs us what has been going well, what has stopped us in our tracks and what we can learn a we grow.

We want to share our fun and our joy, our insights and our learning.  So for me the biggest learning is that which I gain through working with clients in both coaching and therapy.  Their dedication, motivation and determination to move through and be amazing, at peace and be themselves is an inspiration everyday….for that I thank you.

Christmas posses many things, and often more challenges than we realise…we wish you well, peace and most of all be kind to yourself.

Delphinus tmc, Vicky Bailey, Coacging, Psychotherapy & Training

 

 

 

 

 

 
Vicky

It’s all about Pancakes – or more importantly the choices we can make…

Pancakes - Delphinus tmc

 

This month I thought I would talk about Pancakes – or more importantly the choices we can make…

My eldest daughter has recently made the transition to secondary school…or high school as it seems to be known now!

At 11, having been to a village primary school with a total of 76 pupils, a natural born worrier and hoping to grow up far too quickly, of she went with confidence. School is walkable from our home and so the first few days as overzealous mum, I walked with her….although where I could walk to became progressively further and further away from the school doors!  Until after the first week my chaperone skills were made redundant.

Now about 4 to 5 weeks in, she’s had a few wobbles and melt downs announcing that she does not wish to grow up and would like to go back to primary school. On our weekly walk back from guides, quieter than usual, I enquired if she was ok….”I’m not sure how to explain it she said….it may sound a bit weird..the best way I can tell you is…”

“My life is like a pancake. When I was at primary school there was Nutella, lemon and sugar and I liked all of the fillings and you were there to help me choose.  Now I’m at high school, there are loads of fillings and they tasted different and not quite right…..oh and if you want to you can use this with your clients!”

Wow…I was bowled over by her clarity in her analogy.  It took me a couple of minutes then I smiled and said….

“So taking that on… What you now have is a choice of flavours to taste …some you will like and some you will not…it’s ok to taste different flavours and then choose which ones you want and like…….it’s about choice.”

She looked at me, smiled with what appeared to be relief.

A few days later, my daughter said she wasn’t feeling great and said that in her pancake there was Nutella and sugar and chilli!  She really does not like chilli!  So …we discussed what to do about the chilli and she was reminded that there is always a choice of the flavour combination is not working.  Realising this she announced she was going to take out the chilli! Today…a calmer and smilier girl!

I’m sure there will be other flavour combinations which will work and which will taste horrid as she settles down into her big school and the turbulence of realising that there is a big world in which she fits and has choice of what flavour she wants in her pancake.

So…I wanted to share this with you for three reasons.

Firstly I’m proud of my daughter and her ability to process and find a way through what is a tough transition.

Secondly to remind you…me and all of us that there is simplicity in the fact that we can try different flavours, we can enjoy the ones we love, expand our repertoire and avoid the ones that leave a bitter taste.  We have a choice and being brave and daring to choose will lead to many enjoyable and satisfying movements.

And thirdly because my daughter said I can share this!

What flavours of pancake do you enjoy?

Vicky

Summer Reflections

Summer Reflections - Delphinus tmc, Coaching, training, Mental Health & Well-being

 

So how has your summer been? 

You may remember we sent you our thoughts on summer essentials…what to pack and what to leave behind!  How did you get on with your packing and what did you manage to leave behind?

Holiday Reflection
Have you managed to recharge and re-energise.  It’s an interesting process going on holiday with high expectation and emotional roller coaster, stressful before we even depart! Listening to some clients leading up to their holiday, their concerns seemed to be taking away from the purpose and enjoyment of actually going away.  So what were your observations and highlights?

Our invitation to you….please review and share your favourite book/programme/pod cast or game and of course any highlights and reflections.

Book Review
I was excited to be able to read the second book of three by David Michie – The Art of Purring, the follow on from The Dalai Lamas Cat, and I was not disappointed.  What makes you purr?  The challenge set by the Dalai Lama to his beloved cat, the book takes us on a journey to discover the answer.  It provides a formula for happiness, which on reading made a lot of sense!  It is written beautifully through the eyes of the Dalai Lama’s cat, who provides insightful, humorous and gentle observations on challenges faced and situations she finds herself in.  The conclusion is great and finding the answer leaves the reader with knowledgeable contentment of knowing what makes them purr and how to find peace, connection and balance.  I’m looking forward to reading the third and final book in the series – The Power of Meow.

My favourite quote that resonated with me was:

“what I don’t get…..there doesn’t seem to be a formula for happiness……..there is an equation….like most formulas it needs some explaining…..The formula is H equals S plus C plus V….happiness equals what’s called your biological set point, or S, plus the conditions of your life, C, plus V your voluntary activities. When you take the happiness formula overall, you can see that while there are certain things that can’t be changed, there are others that can.  The key focus should be on things you can change that will have a positive impact in your feeling of well-being”

The Art of Purring, David Michie

Pod cast
As an 80 ‘s girl through and through I thoroughly enjoyed catching up with Sarah Cox’s 80’s pod casts…although my singing was not appreciated by all – I still had fun!!  Highlight listening to the 12inch of Duran Duran Rio!!

Favourite Games
We are avid card players in our clan…..so our daily games provided much hilarity, concentration and on occasion heated and fierce competition.  We have successfully taught the younger members of the clan whist and rummy so we are now out of the woods on playing snap!!

Reflections and observations
No phones, no wifi, no emails……delightful….one hundred percent time for self and the clan.  The result, rested, re-energised, recharged and ready.
Laughter, fun and imagination were the highlights of our holiday.  Listening to the younger clan members play their adventure games in the pool which took us from being marooned on an African island to being dolphins on a fantasy island allowed a perspective of life to land into our busy and hectic worlds as adults.  Eating too much ice cream and enjoying meals together with lots of chatter and sharing of stories and challenging questions such as, “how did we get here on the planet?” and “did God really make us?”….

It was interesting to observe families out and about…I still am surprised at how many people are on their phone/iPods/gadgets when sitting down to eat together – forgetting how to communicate and connect with each other…or sitting and relaxing in the sun, how many people seem to have forgotten how play.

One thing we did each day was share what we were grateful for, with no repetition.  Give it a go for 14 days and see how you get on!!

We would love to hear about your adventures over the holidays and any reflections or changes you have made?

Vicky

Managing Change in the Workplace

Mental Health & Wellbeing - Delphinus tmc

People resist change often because the focus on what they are giving up or losing. Imagine if we embraced change and noticed what we can gain. Tony Robbins suggests, change is inevitable, progress is optional.

We all manage change everyday, so the real questions are how do we feel about managing change and how do we really handle change?

In recent times we have as a country witnessed significant political changes. These have had an impact on us all at a greater or lesser degree. Closer to home my daughter is transitioning from primary to secondary school – and in her world a massive change which has and will have its challenges. What changes are you experiencing at the moment and what is the impact of any resistance you may be feeling?

We are all creatures of habit. We function well when we know what is happening, where we are, our purpose and have clarity on the impact and benefits to us. If our equilibrium is challenged and we are unsure how something affects us or how it benefits us, we often find ourselves beyond our comfort zones.
To develop either as a business or person we need change and embrace a new normal to develop and succeed. We witness people’s reaction to this; they are often anxious, fearful, stressed, angry or demotivated and despondent. We very rarely see positive responses of opportunity or excitement at what the possibilities are from the changes they are experiencing. The other familiar response is that of blame. Some changes seem out of our influence and this can cause resentment. Our question is what can you take responsibility for in the situation? How will this support you through this change?

So how do we manage change to ensure we can have a choice and see our options…?

Key Principles

• Transparency
Often change parachutes into our day to day and happens so rapidly we do not have time to catch up. There is resistance of its impact. If we can see the change, know it’s happening, have information, gain knowledge and then realise how this will impact on our world, this often this softens the shock. A period of transition allows us to process what it means for us…which in turn allows us to reconcile the change into our day to day and realise a new normal.

• Communication
Being noticed, being spoken to and being involved and heard can help us to process any situation, particularly if we can see how a situation impacts on us and our options. Conversation seems to be replaced by emails and social media. Personal contact, conversation and time are fundamental to a successful transition and change.

• Reassurance
If we our equilibrium is knocked we can often feel out of our depth, in unknown territory, which then can lead to high anxiety, stress, fear, and disengagement. Personal contact, support and reassurance of the outcome in relation to our needs will again support the transition. It will build confidence in the process of the change and give opportunity for the new normal to feel and be gently introduced into our every day.

• Involvement
If we are involved in any change, decision to change and our thoughts and ideas taken onboard, this will support how we manage the transition. It does not guarantee our needs always met, it does support us to find options and choices in the changes happening.

Change will be a constant how we choose to support ourselves through it is the secret. Ask for the right support is crucial to a smooth transition towards the changes challenging you.

“Change is hard at first, messy in the middle and gorgeous at the end” Robert Sharma

Again, the rapidness of the change can leave employees feeling unsettled, unmotivated and un-productive and business owners need to plan and manage the change effectively.

Companies that do not help employees manage change effectively often:

• Do not plan how the change will affect employees
• Do not have clear lines of communication
• Do not listen to employee views
• Do not evaluate how the change has impacted on their workforce

This is where Delphinus tmc can help!
By employing a Coach who is experienced in change management can be a beneficial plan of action for any businesses to undertake. The role of the Coach is to listen to all business owners and employees and help them individually and as a team to:

• Plan ahead for what the change will actually mean
• Assess skills and training requirements
• Open clear lines of communication
• Work with behaviours and the changing nature of their work-space
• Help prepare employees for the timings of the transition
• Plan for the future to ensure employees have a clear strategy for growth

Remember, employees who feel listened too and empowered are more likely to help an organisation transition and continue to be successful.
To find out more about how Delphinus tmc can help employees manage change more effectively, call us on 07786 936625 or email vicky@delphinustmc.co.uk

Summer Essentials for Emotional Resilience & Wellbeing

Delphinus tmc - Summer Essentials for Emotional Resilience & Wellbeing

Summer Essentials for Emotional Resilience & Wellbeing – as the warm weather starts to poke it’s head out through the rain and grey clouds, our attention starts to drift towards planning our holiday adventures.  We spend so much time planning for every eventuality where holidays are concerned, the one area we fail to plan for is our own emotional resilience and well being.

Holidays are the perfect time to take stock and unwind and recharge our batteries so we thought we would take the opportunity with this newsletter to share our top tips for summer essentials to help us plan for our emotional bounce-back.

MUST’S for your Suitcase:

Top Summer Read:

Gifts-of-Imperfection

The Gift of Inspiration by Brene Brown – Let go of who you are supposed to be and embrace who you are.  Brene Brown never fails to awaken our thought processes and this book offers a wealth of insights that allow us to take the opportunity to be ourselves – brilliantly.  Make time to read a little every day – gift yourself time to have a little “you” time.

 

 


Top Pod casts:
Pick your favourite desert-island disks, download and enjoy!


Top Playlist:

Music is a very personal choice and type of music you listen to and the songs you play can have a real impact on your mood and feelings.Here are some of our top summer tunes for a relaxing & refreshing summer holiday:

Pharrell Williams – Happy
Katrina & the Waves – Walking on Sunshine
U2 – Beautiful Day
Justin Timberlake – Can’t stop the feeling
Electric Light Orchestra – Mr Blue Sky
Bruno Mars – Uptown Funk
Toploader – Dancing in the Moonlight
Van Morrison – Brown Eyed Girl
The Verve – Bittersweet Symphony
Marvin Gaye – What’s going on
King Kurtis – Memphis Soul Stew
Ariana Grande – Focus
Jessie J – Bang Bang
Black Eye Peas – I’ve Got a Feeling
The Lotus Eaters – First Picture of You

We would love to hear your playlist of songs that make you happy and relaxed – please email your choices to vicky@delphinustmc.co.uk

Playing Cards / Games

We have allowed ourselves to build up such busy lives so taking time out to play boardgames or card games gives you the time you need to allow your head to clear and your body to relax.  What games will you play?

 


Knowledge of local surroundings

We all like to plan and there is nothing better than having local knowledge of your new surrounding and sights to see such as the perfect white beach or historical landmark.  Planning ahead will give you something to look forward although be careful not to plan for every second – be flexible and be prepared to explore!

AVOID packing

(your suitcase is now over-weight so these items can definitely be left at home)

Work Emails

We no longer work 9-5 with computers, tablets and mobile phones allowing us to connect to our offices 24-7.  It is so easy to take work with you on holiday especially if you work for yourself.  STOP –  the whole essence of a holiday is that you take the time to unwind and recharge your energy levels – something you cannot do if you are still engaging with emails.

One tip we can offer is to make sure you communicate clearly with work / clients that you are going to be away and set an out of office – good communication allows you to relax!

 

Smart Phones / Tablets


Today we live our lives glued to our mobile phones – especially now with the launch of the new Pokemon Go app.  Do we really need to be beholden to smart phones – especially on holiday?  The simple answer is NO – remove all the temptation so cut the ties with daily life.  See the world through clearer eyes.

 

 

Work Based Reading

It is so easy to take technical reading on holiday as we convince ourselves that we will have the time to relax when in reality it just keeps us tied to work and the sooner we accept that we are not indispensable and the world is not going to end if we take our foot off the pedal for a week the better!

Remember this, recharging, re-energised & refocusing will allow you to be clearer, happier, more engaged and stress-free.

We hope you have found this checklist useful – we really would like to hear about your holiday essentials for emotional resilience and well being.

Vicky

5 Steps to mental & emotional well-being

5 Steps to Mental & Emotional Wellbeing

 

Step 1 – Connection in action

This month we thought we would talk you through our thoughts on connection!

A passing thought, so I was out running in the great British summer weather (persisting it down!!) and I thought I would smile and say hi to anyone I passed along my way…interesting 50% engaged, smiled and said hi!  50% continued on their way stony-faced and focused on the path ahead….

Even more interesting I noticed the 50% who engaged lifted my spirit and literally put a spring in my step.  So what choices do we have and what is the impact of those choices?  See what happens for yourself…Enjoy!!

Our Stories…


People often ask me what is my story and my typical response is we all have a story…thus not really answering the question! I choose to answer the question as I do because I believe it’s not about me.  I am passionate and fortunate to do the work I do and enjoy every second….it’s about you ….the people I work with, opening up your stories and your choices in how you want to be and lead your lives.
I do have a story and have in my lifetime faced significant challenges….some which even surprise me now.  I have and continue to work on myself and gain the support I want and need to enable me to make choices I want for how I now enjoy my life, my family and my business.

My current story is facing the terminal illness of a very close and dear friend.  A roller coaster of emotions, a bank of unspoken words and a short amount of time.  So some days are better than others, some days I want to hide, others I am up and running…I suppose the trick is to reflect on what I might say to a client….and ensure I choose what supports my friend firstly and then me!

What Do You Do?

The most frequently asked question at Delphinus tmc is…what is it you actually do?

Our starting point – Choice….. we all have a choice
The daily scramble of life, the feeling there is not enough time, the constant and relentless list of things to do, places to be, people to see, challenges to face….the feelings we have and are not able to handle, the stories we tell ourselves to manage and cope.  All of this knocks us off balance, supports us to feel unwell or not quite OK and yet we choose to ignore this and carry on.

Our thoughts
Our over complication of our lives is compounded by our pride, our ego and our fear to seek what we need to support ourselves and choose to feel amazing and be the best version of ourselves.  We even over-complicate this by labeling everything and suggesting that there are many ways to redress the balance.  Mental health holds many myths and insights many fears and barriers…put simply our ability to love, play, work and connect to ourselves and others is health and wellbeing.

Many people know that their mental health and emotional wellbeing is integral to how they are, how they function and their overall health.  So what makes it so hard to ask for the support we need to achieve this?

In her recent article Paula Radcliffe highlights:

“you can work for years towards your goals and feel everything is working against you. The perceived injustice you feel can be soul-destroying and support is vital to get you through those times.
When you’re in the middle of a crisis, it can be hard to think rationally. ……No matter what your situation, you need to be strong to reach your full potential. It takes bravery to dig yourself out of a difficult situation and there shouldn’t be any stigma attached to asking for help.”

So what is it we actually do at Delphinus tmc?
We work with individuals to enable and support them to find and be the best version of themselves. We debunk mental health and emotional wellbeing myths and dare to go where many still do not.  This is managed through gentle, clear and knowledgeable processes of either therapy or coaching.

How do we do it?
We work through psychotherapy, coaching and psycho education.  We work with you to explore feelings, thoughts and behaviours in ways your friends and family may not be able to.  We work with you to support your whole wellbeing and balance enabling you to choose what and how you lead your life and make changes you might wish to make to step forward.

Through therapy in our clinic:  Dedicated time and space to alleviate stress, trauma, upset and life’s ongoing challenges.

Through coaching:  dedicated time and space to develop emotional intelligence and resilience, positive psychology and the how to manage your story and the stories you tell yourself.

How do I make the first step in finding the right help?
A call, email or text to us will feel brave and scary and also may lead you to find the support and help you need to take the next step forward to finding your health and balance.

Call us on 07786 936625 or email vicky@delphinustmc.co.uk. Our website is also a good source of further information on how Delphinus tmc can help you flourish –www.delphinustmc.co.uk

Are you being open & honest about Stress in the workplace?

Leicestershire Business Coach - Delphinus tmc

 

As this week sees the start of Mental Health Awareness Week, we thought we would take a look at stress ….in the workplace…at home… and the stories we tell ourselves as business owners, employers and employees alike, to shy away from open and honest dialogues regarding mental health and emotional wellbeing.

How often do you notice and check how you are feeling and managing the day to day? How honest are you with the answers. If we can be honest with ourselves, we can be more open to what we need.

How often do you tell yourself “I’m fine….there are people worse off….” when in reality you are not fine and could benefit from speaking to someone?  Through our work, we see many people from different walks of life.  Some find us because they are honest and recognise they need an injection of support and a sounding board and some may find us when they hit rock bottom or crisis.  There seems to be a stigma surrounding mental health and emotional wellbeing which needs breaking down – it is important that we all understand that seeking help is a strength and positive step towards knowing what we need be able to face our day to day life feeling great!

 STRESS – Is it in YOUR place of work?

Being under pressure is a normal part of life. It can be a useful drive that helps you take action, feel more energised and get results.  If you often become overwhelmed by stress, these feelings could start to be a problem.  Everyone handles stress differently so, business owners, managers, leaders and staff need to be aware of the signs colleagues and staff show when stress creeps in and is becoming difficult to cope with.

As reported by MIND.org.uk, Stress is closely linked to mental health in two important ways:

Stress can cause mental health problems, and make existing problems worse. For example, if you often struggle to manage feelings of stress, it can lead to us not functioning well, anxiety or depression.

Mental Health problems can cause stress. You might find coping with the day-to-day symptoms of mental health or emotional imbalance problematic, as well as potentially needing to manage medication, health care appointments or treatments, leading to extra sources of stress.

More and more people now work longer than 40 hours per week, and stress is becoming more prevalent across the UK and Europe.  New technology has evolved, and now that an average mobile phone also receives and sends work emails; the everyday use of technology on the move has played a part in the increase of stress levels.  A reduction in the traditional 9-to- 5 working day means that many employees are working evenings and weekends, and using their work mobiles to read and respond to emails; causing a negative  effect on their work-life balance.

How can you support balanced working for you and your colleagues and staff?

Thankfully, there are various ways to manage stress; and at Delphinus tmc, we are expert in identifying the challenging areas of your business; and developing the right tools and resilience strategies that will help to support you and your employees to overcome it.

Did you know that under the Health and Safety at Work Act 1974 you are required to conduct risk assessments for work-related stress? This is where Delphinus tmc can help.

Coaching to support and empower you to find balance and manage your emotional wellbeing in an  and optimal way can certainly be a valuable way to ensure that stress does not overtake and drive you or your staff, and as a result it puts you back in charge!

I recognise it, so what do I do now?

Well, ignoring it could lead to serious health issues for yourself, your colleagues or your team.  Coaching is a practical solution that works with you to identify the issues and supports you to manage and deal with it.  As soon as you realise that stress is having an effect, the easier it can be to resolve;

Coaching can take on many forms, meeting your needs and the needs of your colleagues and team. You are not on your own, and through coaching, you can develop the right tools and resilience to tackle stress head-on, and make the right changes for you.

For further information contact Vicky Bailey: vicky@delphinustmc.co.uk or 07786 936625