Delphinus tmc News

Coaching or is it my Mental Health?

Monday, July 23rd, 2018

Delphinus tmc - Coaching, Psychotherapy, Training, Speaking

Coaching or is it my mental health? 

 In a recent meeting with a coaching client and her CEO, she talked through how coaching was supporting and helping her and where she’d like to focus on next.  As she was talking she described that stage one “crisis management” was complete and that for her stage two was to build resilience, learning from experiences and identifying vulnerabilities and ultimately reaching her goal: “an authentic version of me”.   

As she finished her summary she smiled, looked as us both and asked, Is this coaching or is it my mental health? 

Well, what an interesting question! One which is often posed by clients and potential clients alike getting to grips with whatever has led to coaching.  With mental health constantly in the media, there are often discussions around breaking down the taboo of mental health, its impact on work performance, its impact on sickness in the work place indeed its impact on our balance and wellbeing.   

With this client, I suggested that her support and development was very much coaching based.  Our coaching sessions were working to support her, develop awareness of emotional intelligence, behavioural habits and self-beliefs. Our coaching sessions will help her to grow or change aspects she wants to be the best version of herself. 

Another benefit is that it will also support her balance, wellbeing and mental health.  Her CEO at this stage was very much supportive of this brief synopsis of coaching and recognised the value and impact this has on work and life balance. 

The power of coaching can take on many forms –Helping people to improve their lives is one of the world’s oldest professions.  It has assumed many forms—philosophy, fortune telling, shamanic healing, religious rituals, informal relationships, psychotherapy, and so forth…. the underlying process of people seeking guidance for life changes has endured” – Stephen Gilligan (2013) 

 What does Coaching mean to you? 

I love my job! Seeing the journey my clients go through, is empowering and rewarding.  Each session is different with no two clients going down the same road. Common themes emerge and the solutions and willingness to change is very different. 

Coaching is such a wide term defined in many ways.  The precept of coaching is change and this long-established process of seeking to improve, bettering ourselves through growth and change, is the basis of self-development; reaching new heights of personal fulfilment and emotional contentment.  

Fundamentally Coaching is about management of change.  Gilligan and Dilts (2009) suggest “Effective coaching involves balanced consideration and exploration of both the outer and inner game”.  This involves equal attention to a person’s outer game i.e. goals, experience and practical choices and the inner game supporting this through emotional intelligence and resilience. 

In broad terms having worked in sport for many, many years, coaching is the enabler of a person or team to meet their and fulfil their (sporting) potential and performance goals.  The impact of this does also cross over into wellbeing and mental health in terms of finding balance, self-belief and confidence to support an individual to manage their day to day with more ease.   

So, in business it appears we struggle to accept that coaching around emotional intelligence and behaviours has a place to support fulfilling our potential and performance goals, until crisis hits!  This is when our mental health is really affected if we delay seeking the support we need. 

When I deliver talks on the power of coaching, I often mention how easy it is to know that we may need coaching and even know that it can support and work for us, i.e. common sense and knowledge and not common practice!  We shy away from seeking help to help us in the day to day.  

What stops you from investing in the help and support you need? 

The main barriers I see are a fear of failure or questioning what others will think of us if we make it known that we are having coaching.  We need to change this mind-set! I openly tell my contacts that I have my own coach who helps me review and monitor my actions and behaviours – allowing me to perform at my best.  I see it as an investment in my wellbeing, supporting me at work and at home. 

Emotions and behavioural habit play a vital role in our day to day performance.  Coaching can support the ability to recognise how emotions, habits and indeed attitudes impact.  Examining how to manage, replace or change these can begin to affect positive change through increased self-awareness. And it can have a positive effect on our mental health! 

So, is it Coaching or is it my mental health?   

The honest answer is both.  Coaching can give you the tools and techniques you need to boost your mental health and wellbeing.  A happy, healthier and consistent you will make all the difference. 

Let’s Talk About Self-Care…

Tuesday, June 26th, 2018

 

Let’s talk about self-care! Hope you are enjoying the sunshine! A quick video today on the power of self-care .

We would love to hear your thoughts on what you do to make time for you

Delphinus Diction…

Thursday, December 15th, 2016

As I continue to work with clients – I realised there are some fantastic and creative expressions and words used by people to describe how they are feeling and thought I would share.

“sustainable denial” (David aged 50)

I think this speaks for itself on its meaning.  How true is it for us to stay in this place, even when we know a change will help us

“Crired” (Sarah aged 13)

So tired it makes you cry

“hangry” (Gemma aged 13)

So hungry and angry at the same time

“proper fine” (Dylan aged 12)

When I’m safe and everything is good

“properly selfish” – Vicky Bailey

Putting yourself first and listening to what you need

Pancakes – an update

Wednesday, December 14th, 2016

Pancakes - Delphinus tmc

For those of you who responded to Pancakes – thank you.  I showed my daughter Katie and she was quite surprised and I think chuffed.

As you might imagine she continues to use her metaphor.  The other night whilst settling down to sleep she had not had a great couple of days.  She announced that her pancake had burnt, was black and fallen apart…oh and she had put it out with beer!! (what can I say!)  As we chatted I asked her what she’d like her pancake to be like.  Mmmmmm she looked me in the eye and said “light, fluffy, with Nutella, lemon and sugar.”

“So,” I said “what is stopping you creating that pancake and not burning it”

She looked me straight in the eye and said – “that feels better I can go to sleep thinking about my lovely pancake”

“You can!”  We were both settled and content.

Merry Christmas From Delphinus Tmc

Thursday, December 8th, 2016

I think sometimes we reflect at the end of something…so a lot of us will be reflecting on the year that was 2016, as we move through into another new year and “new start”.  Interesting isn’t it that we neglect to reflect and review as we go as often as would benefit us.  Within the work we do at Delphinus without daily reflection we will not be able to work to our best.  There are days when we are flying and there are days when we need to re-energise.  As we walk the walk of our work, our daily reflect informs us what has been going well, what has stopped us in our tracks and what we can learn a we grow.

We want to share our fun and our joy, our insights and our learning.  So for me the biggest learning is that which I gain through working with clients in both coaching and therapy.  Their dedication, motivation and determination to move through and be amazing, at peace and be themselves is an inspiration everyday….for that I thank you.

Christmas posses many things, and often more challenges than we realise…we wish you well, peace and most of all be kind to yourself.

Delphinus tmc, Vicky Bailey, Coacging, Psychotherapy & Training

 

 

 

 

 

 
Vicky

It’s all about Pancakes – or more importantly the choices we can make…

Monday, October 31st, 2016

Pancakes - Delphinus tmc

 

This month I thought I would talk about Pancakes – or more importantly the choices we can make…

My eldest daughter has recently made the transition to secondary school…or high school as it seems to be known now!

At 11, having been to a village primary school with a total of 76 pupils, a natural born worrier and hoping to grow up far too quickly, of she went with confidence. School is walkable from our home and so the first few days as overzealous mum, I walked with her….although where I could walk to became progressively further and further away from the school doors!  Until after the first week my chaperone skills were made redundant.

Now about 4 to 5 weeks in, she’s had a few wobbles and melt downs announcing that she does not wish to grow up and would like to go back to primary school. On our weekly walk back from guides, quieter than usual, I enquired if she was ok….”I’m not sure how to explain it she said….it may sound a bit weird..the best way I can tell you is…”

“My life is like a pancake. When I was at primary school there was Nutella, lemon and sugar and I liked all of the fillings and you were there to help me choose.  Now I’m at high school, there are loads of fillings and they tasted different and not quite right…..oh and if you want to you can use this with your clients!”

Wow…I was bowled over by her clarity in her analogy.  It took me a couple of minutes then I smiled and said….

“So taking that on… What you now have is a choice of flavours to taste …some you will like and some you will not…it’s ok to taste different flavours and then choose which ones you want and like…….it’s about choice.”

She looked at me, smiled with what appeared to be relief.

A few days later, my daughter said she wasn’t feeling great and said that in her pancake there was Nutella and sugar and chilli!  She really does not like chilli!  So …we discussed what to do about the chilli and she was reminded that there is always a choice of the flavour combination is not working.  Realising this she announced she was going to take out the chilli! Today…a calmer and smilier girl!

I’m sure there will be other flavour combinations which will work and which will taste horrid as she settles down into her big school and the turbulence of realising that there is a big world in which she fits and has choice of what flavour she wants in her pancake.

So…I wanted to share this with you for three reasons.

Firstly I’m proud of my daughter and her ability to process and find a way through what is a tough transition.

Secondly to remind you…me and all of us that there is simplicity in the fact that we can try different flavours, we can enjoy the ones we love, expand our repertoire and avoid the ones that leave a bitter taste.  We have a choice and being brave and daring to choose will lead to many enjoyable and satisfying movements.

And thirdly because my daughter said I can share this!

What flavours of pancake do you enjoy?

Vicky

Summer Reflections

Wednesday, September 14th, 2016

Summer Reflections - Delphinus tmc, Coaching, training, Mental Health & Well-being

 

So how has your summer been? 

You may remember we sent you our thoughts on summer essentials…what to pack and what to leave behind!  How did you get on with your packing and what did you manage to leave behind?

Holiday Reflection
Have you managed to recharge and re-energise.  It’s an interesting process going on holiday with high expectation and emotional roller coaster, stressful before we even depart! Listening to some clients leading up to their holiday, their concerns seemed to be taking away from the purpose and enjoyment of actually going away.  So what were your observations and highlights?

Our invitation to you….please review and share your favourite book/programme/pod cast or game and of course any highlights and reflections.

Book Review
I was excited to be able to read the second book of three by David Michie – The Art of Purring, the follow on from The Dalai Lamas Cat, and I was not disappointed.  What makes you purr?  The challenge set by the Dalai Lama to his beloved cat, the book takes us on a journey to discover the answer.  It provides a formula for happiness, which on reading made a lot of sense!  It is written beautifully through the eyes of the Dalai Lama’s cat, who provides insightful, humorous and gentle observations on challenges faced and situations she finds herself in.  The conclusion is great and finding the answer leaves the reader with knowledgeable contentment of knowing what makes them purr and how to find peace, connection and balance.  I’m looking forward to reading the third and final book in the series – The Power of Meow.

My favourite quote that resonated with me was:

“what I don’t get…..there doesn’t seem to be a formula for happiness……..there is an equation….like most formulas it needs some explaining…..The formula is H equals S plus C plus V….happiness equals what’s called your biological set point, or S, plus the conditions of your life, C, plus V your voluntary activities. When you take the happiness formula overall, you can see that while there are certain things that can’t be changed, there are others that can.  The key focus should be on things you can change that will have a positive impact in your feeling of well-being”

The Art of Purring, David Michie

Pod cast
As an 80 ‘s girl through and through I thoroughly enjoyed catching up with Sarah Cox’s 80’s pod casts…although my singing was not appreciated by all – I still had fun!!  Highlight listening to the 12inch of Duran Duran Rio!!

Favourite Games
We are avid card players in our clan…..so our daily games provided much hilarity, concentration and on occasion heated and fierce competition.  We have successfully taught the younger members of the clan whist and rummy so we are now out of the woods on playing snap!!

Reflections and observations
No phones, no wifi, no emails……delightful….one hundred percent time for self and the clan.  The result, rested, re-energised, recharged and ready.
Laughter, fun and imagination were the highlights of our holiday.  Listening to the younger clan members play their adventure games in the pool which took us from being marooned on an African island to being dolphins on a fantasy island allowed a perspective of life to land into our busy and hectic worlds as adults.  Eating too much ice cream and enjoying meals together with lots of chatter and sharing of stories and challenging questions such as, “how did we get here on the planet?” and “did God really make us?”….

It was interesting to observe families out and about…I still am surprised at how many people are on their phone/iPods/gadgets when sitting down to eat together – forgetting how to communicate and connect with each other…or sitting and relaxing in the sun, how many people seem to have forgotten how play.

One thing we did each day was share what we were grateful for, with no repetition.  Give it a go for 14 days and see how you get on!!

We would love to hear about your adventures over the holidays and any reflections or changes you have made?

Vicky

Summer Essentials for Emotional Resilience & Wellbeing

Tuesday, July 26th, 2016

Delphinus tmc - Summer Essentials for Emotional Resilience & Wellbeing

Summer Essentials for Emotional Resilience & Wellbeing – as the warm weather starts to poke it’s head out through the rain and grey clouds, our attention starts to drift towards planning our holiday adventures.  We spend so much time planning for every eventuality where holidays are concerned, the one area we fail to plan for is our own emotional resilience and well being.

Holidays are the perfect time to take stock and unwind and recharge our batteries so we thought we would take the opportunity with this newsletter to share our top tips for summer essentials to help us plan for our emotional bounce-back.

MUST’S for your Suitcase:

Top Summer Read:

Gifts-of-Imperfection

The Gift of Inspiration by Brene Brown – Let go of who you are supposed to be and embrace who you are.  Brene Brown never fails to awaken our thought processes and this book offers a wealth of insights that allow us to take the opportunity to be ourselves – brilliantly.  Make time to read a little every day – gift yourself time to have a little “you” time.

 

 


Top Pod casts:
Pick your favourite desert-island disks, download and enjoy!


Top Playlist:

Music is a very personal choice and type of music you listen to and the songs you play can have a real impact on your mood and feelings.Here are some of our top summer tunes for a relaxing & refreshing summer holiday:

Pharrell Williams – Happy
Katrina & the Waves – Walking on Sunshine
U2 – Beautiful Day
Justin Timberlake – Can’t stop the feeling
Electric Light Orchestra – Mr Blue Sky
Bruno Mars – Uptown Funk
Toploader – Dancing in the Moonlight
Van Morrison – Brown Eyed Girl
The Verve – Bittersweet Symphony
Marvin Gaye – What’s going on
King Kurtis – Memphis Soul Stew
Ariana Grande – Focus
Jessie J – Bang Bang
Black Eye Peas – I’ve Got a Feeling
The Lotus Eaters – First Picture of You

We would love to hear your playlist of songs that make you happy and relaxed – please email your choices to vicky@delphinustmc.co.uk

Playing Cards / Games

We have allowed ourselves to build up such busy lives so taking time out to play boardgames or card games gives you the time you need to allow your head to clear and your body to relax.  What games will you play?

 


Knowledge of local surroundings

We all like to plan and there is nothing better than having local knowledge of your new surrounding and sights to see such as the perfect white beach or historical landmark.  Planning ahead will give you something to look forward although be careful not to plan for every second – be flexible and be prepared to explore!

AVOID packing

(your suitcase is now over-weight so these items can definitely be left at home)

Work Emails

We no longer work 9-5 with computers, tablets and mobile phones allowing us to connect to our offices 24-7.  It is so easy to take work with you on holiday especially if you work for yourself.  STOP –  the whole essence of a holiday is that you take the time to unwind and recharge your energy levels – something you cannot do if you are still engaging with emails.

One tip we can offer is to make sure you communicate clearly with work / clients that you are going to be away and set an out of office – good communication allows you to relax!

 

Smart Phones / Tablets


Today we live our lives glued to our mobile phones – especially now with the launch of the new Pokemon Go app.  Do we really need to be beholden to smart phones – especially on holiday?  The simple answer is NO – remove all the temptation so cut the ties with daily life.  See the world through clearer eyes.

 

 

Work Based Reading

It is so easy to take technical reading on holiday as we convince ourselves that we will have the time to relax when in reality it just keeps us tied to work and the sooner we accept that we are not indispensable and the world is not going to end if we take our foot off the pedal for a week the better!

Remember this, recharging, re-energised & refocusing will allow you to be clearer, happier, more engaged and stress-free.

We hope you have found this checklist useful – we really would like to hear about your holiday essentials for emotional resilience and well being.

Vicky

5 Steps to mental & emotional well-being

Thursday, July 7th, 2016

5 Steps to Mental & Emotional Wellbeing

 

Step 1 – Connection in action

This month we thought we would talk you through our thoughts on connection!

A passing thought, so I was out running in the great British summer weather (persisting it down!!) and I thought I would smile and say hi to anyone I passed along my way…interesting 50% engaged, smiled and said hi!  50% continued on their way stony-faced and focused on the path ahead….

Even more interesting I noticed the 50% who engaged lifted my spirit and literally put a spring in my step.  So what choices do we have and what is the impact of those choices?  See what happens for yourself…Enjoy!!

Our Stories…

Tuesday, July 5th, 2016


People often ask me what is my story and my typical response is we all have a story…thus not really answering the question! I choose to answer the question as I do because I believe it’s not about me.  I am passionate and fortunate to do the work I do and enjoy every second….it’s about you ….the people I work with, opening up your stories and your choices in how you want to be and lead your lives.
I do have a story and have in my lifetime faced significant challenges….some which even surprise me now.  I have and continue to work on myself and gain the support I want and need to enable me to make choices I want for how I now enjoy my life, my family and my business.

My current story is facing the terminal illness of a very close and dear friend.  A roller coaster of emotions, a bank of unspoken words and a short amount of time.  So some days are better than others, some days I want to hide, others I am up and running…I suppose the trick is to reflect on what I might say to a client….and ensure I choose what supports my friend firstly and then me!